Let's Put An End to this Right Now - TIH Column

After a brief sabbatical here is the latest This Is Horror Column, I know you missed me:

“I’m going to start this month’s column with a little joke:

“A guy walks into a bar with a midget riding a crocodile and a seven foot nun with a ring through her nose. He orders a pint glass full of pickled eggs for the midget, a shot glass full of pork scratchings for the nun and a vodka martini for himself.

The midget begins stuffing all the eggs into his ears. The nun blesses the pork scratching and then sets light to them with a blowtorch. The man drinks his martini then orders another round of the same for all of them. This carries on all night until, half an hour before closing time, the barman leans over and says: “Hey buddy, what’s with the midget and the nun then?”

“Ah,” says the the guy. “Well you see my wife is a big fan of the Dalai Lama and for some time now she’s been trying to get pregnant. Tonight is her birthday and I want to do something really special for her.”

“So this is all for her benefit?”

“Yes it is.”

“But how is this going to help her get pregnant?”

“You my friend,” says the guy. “Have never read A Universal History of Infamy!”

Then the guy finishes his drink and leaves. The midget smashes his forehead against the bar five times while the nun gives him a withering look.

B-DUM TISH!

Didya get it? Didya, didya, didya? Wasn’t that like the funniest thing ever?

WADDAYA MEAN NO!

Didn’t you get the subtle Freudian imagery? Or the obscure reference to Jorge Luis Borges? What about the spiritual subtext that was brought to the fore by mentioning Tibetan Buddhism? Come on people, didn’t it give you a creeping sense of amusement? Haven’t you ever heard of Quiet Humour?!? …”

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